I Like You, But You're Stupid

Men are stupid and women are crazy. This should be the title of every song, book, stand-up routine, and romantic comedy that comes out from now until the end of time. When men get dumped, they usually say it is because the girl who broke up with them was crazy. When women get dumped, it's because the man was stupid. We have to tell ourselves this. How else do you get yourself out of bed in the morning? We can't just look at ourselves and say, "You're great, you're fine, you are perfect in your own way, just not for this person. You did not get punched in the heart because there is something wrong with them."
I have been playing that tune an awful lot with my divorce, but it's not as if people (including Gino's own mother) are disagreeing with me. He has always been, and I suspect will always be, a total dummy when it comes to women. He stuck it out with me for seven years, but he never stopped shopping around for someone who was a better fit. He is a dangerous kind of dumb, because he thinks he is intellectually superior to most people he meets. He was always trying to "educate" me and implying that I was not that bright. This assessment was almost entirely based on the fact that I did not want to read Zecharia Sitchin. I would listen to Gino talk about him, and I would contribute what little I could to the conversation, but I didn't want to spend my free time reading a bunch of bullshit about aliens. That is not exactly a flaw in my character, and I doubt I am alone here. I think he thought he could just slide right into a relationship with the girl he identified as a better match for him, because she was a "science nerd". He brought her over to the house once, before we broke up, to watch "Through The Wormhole with Morgan Freeman", and I am not exaggerating when I say that she had the attention span of a poodle. She seemed incapable of shutting up for longer than thirty seconds, and she kept changing the conversation away from what the show was about. She seemed about as interested in science as Gino was in watching a documentary about shoes. She probably told Gino that she really liked science so that he would really like her. Girls do that- we oversell our interest in something so that we look a little better. Still, Gino bought it because he'll believe anything that comes out of the mouth of someone with tits.
It was pretty dumb for him to assume they were going to start dating once I was out of the picture. She was still dating someone else, and she is 20 goddamn years old. And a young 20 at that. I'm being judgmental and bitchy about her, but I have kind of run out of fucks to give. When a 20-year-old who works in the hotel laundry is considered a better choice than you, you get kind of cunty about it.
I think Mike was also a little dumb in terms of his decisions, but I also think I was stupid. It was stupid to like him so much and show him just how much I liked him. It was stupid to get hopeful over someone who was pretty clear about how fucked up he is about women right now. His ex did such a number on him in their break-up and treated him so badly throughout most of their relationship, I'm not sure if he isn't just completely broken. It was stupid of me to agree to his terms, to accept the pity-fuck of his friendship and not recognize it for what it was. It was also stupid of me to knit him a purple octopus that looked so perfect. He never asked for it, but I just thought it would be a nice thing to do for him and I knew he would find it adorable. He did, but that was stupid. It was also stupid that I brought him carrot cake that same day. I still like him despite the fact that he's being kind of stupid, and I would totally jump on it again if he asked. What can I say, I'm stupid.
I don't think I can ever not be stupid when it comes to love, though. I do a lot of shit that looks dumb in hindsight, just because I can't help it. Still, once something is over, everything you did for that person looks like a lot of wasted time because all of those nice things did not stop them from curb-stomping your heart. I am trying not to regret anything, and I actually still miss doing things for Gino. I was making a grilled cheese sandwich the other day, and it hit me that I would never make a grilled cheese for this man ever again. I got a little weepy and then I didn't even want the grilled cheese. There is nothing more pathetic in the world than eating a grilled cheese sandwich while crying and wearing your ex's sweatshirt.