The Bitter End

This week turned out to be one of those weeks where nearly everyone who is in a relationship was putting something about how in love they are on Facebook, and needless to say I was annoyed. It started when my sister and her fiance came upon their first anniversary and I told her she was grossing me out with how much she loves him and then it kept going all the way up to Thursday, when my best friend's husband put yet another thoughtful, lovely observation about how beautiful she is and though I resisted, I really wanted to make fun of him for it. I told a friend from work about both of these incidences and she said, in this little baby-voice of hers, "Yeah, that probably won't last. Just look at what the divorce rate is."
I surprised myself by leaping to defend both of them. My sister who I had just inferred was making me ill with her sentimental posts about how much she loves her husband-to-be and my best friend's husband who I really wanted to mock for how gay he is for his wife. This friend of mine from work has been divorced twice, and she thinks that makes her an expert on marriage. That might make her an expert on failing at marriage, but she is not really a person I would go to for her opinion on what makes them work, or whether or not one is destined to be a success or a failure. Plus, it just kind of pissed me off that she could say something sassy like that about people she doesn't even know. It was hurtful and oddly pointed- like she was hoping their relationships would end badly. It reminded me a little too much of something my former mother-in-law did once while my ex and I were living in her house. I was in the kitchen with her and when my ex walked in the door from work I said, as I always did when I saw him, as most normal-ass wives do, "Hi, honey."
"Hi, honey," his mother said in a terrible imitation of my voice, albeit my voice if I had severe head trauma and a speech impediment, "That shit won't last," she said, walking out of the room.
What really bothered me was the way she said it, like she hoped the lovey-dovey nonsense wouldn't last, like she hoped we would stop loving each other. I attribute this to the fact that her marriage had not exactly worked out the way she wanted it to. Legally, she and her husband were still married and living together, but emotionally, they were divorced. It was enough to make anyone bitter. I don't believe she was happy about it when her son broke our marriage off, but I imagine that a part of her couldn't help but think, "I told ya so."
My co-worker expressing the same type of sentiment rubbed me the wrong way. "Umm, kind of a reductive statement," I told her, "Just because my marriage and your marriage(s) didn't work out doesn't mean everyone else is going to get divorced."
I said this because I am fighting against this bitterness trap that is so easy to fall into. No matter how much going through my own divorce changes me, I will not let it sour me. I will not become some jaded, flippant divorcee who wishes ill upon other people's relationships and quotes this bullshit about divorce rates. Why should I? Everyone else should be happy, I think, and I still believe in marriage. Even if I don't think getting married again is for me, I will continue to have faith in it. On top of that, I can't bear the thought, even though I know it's possible, of my friends' relationships ending. Joking about it is tantamount to joking about any of them dying. It just isn't acceptable. I will make fun of them all day and all night for it, but that is only because I'm jealous. My ex never put something up for all the world to look at about how much he loved me. Maybe if he was the type of person who did, we wouldn't be in this position, both of us alone, neither of us happy but maybe thinking we have an okay shot at figuring out how to be. And maybe if I was more worthy of that kind of thing, he wouldn't have asked me for a divorce. It's hard to say either way. What I do know is that I'm going to continue to be happy for other people, even when I'm annoyed and rolling my eyes and wanting to tell them to cut it out, because I will not shame anyone I love for being in love. I'll leave that to all of the other divorcees.