I was talking to my buddy Liam this past week, asking him why I only seem to attract nerds, why the only guys creeping up on me are doing it so very awkwardly. "Dreamboat Annie," he answered.
My friend Michael offered a similar theory. "You can talk nerd and you have breasts."
Nerdy guys do tend to like me. When you've spent as much time as I have reading comics and watching horror movies, and you are actually on a committee that plans zombie-themed events, nerds flock to you like a bear to honey. Having breasts isn't absolutely necessary, but it doesn't hurt. I thought I had found my forever-nerd in Gino. Gino was a super-nerd who spent half of his life trying to be a thug. This meant that when he wasn't playing video games as a teenager, he was trying to knock over liquor stores. He was still trying to be thuggish when we met, and I feel like I really brought out his nerdiness. I dressed up as Hit Girl to his Kick-Ass for Halloween. We watched Game of Thrones every Sunday. I played Soul Caliber with him, but only until I realized he only liked playing against me because he could pwn me so easily. If we had children, the names we had picked out were Ripley (as in Alien) and Xavier (as in X Men, but only because we really couldn't name a child Nightcrawler). I was amazed that there was a guy who wanted to watch Labyrinth with me and then go have sex. I was also amazed that we both wanted to go to Disney World on our honeymoon. I assumed he would find the idea corny and unromantic. It was definitely corny and unromantic, but that's what made it ours.
My nerdiness was definitely part of what sparked something in Mike. He remarked upon it, even. The first time we hung out this summer, we watched an Aziz Ansari special and he told me he loved it that I actually got the jokes, and that I laughed out loud at them. When I completed half a quote from Community that he sent me, he answered back with, "Adorable. Female comedy nerds do exist."
Mike is a nerd, but he's a nerd who also tries to be cool. There is a cockiness to that, and it does really rev my engine. He speaks the geek language while trying to live in the cool region. A lot of guys that pique my interest walk this line. It's what every girl wants: a handsome, cool, dorky guy. The only thing I am not interested in finding is another hardcore gamer. I will die if I meet another man who cannot stop playing video games long enough to throw it in me. There was one time when I actually stood naked next to the TV, trying to get Gino's attention after he had been playing a game all day, and he got annoyed with me for distracting him. I deserve better. I deserve someone who will pause it, get it on with me, and then resume.
A cool, handsome nerd is definitely what I've been looking for, so seeing another one get snatched away from me hurts my pride just a little. Nerds should be with other nerds. I have no idea if Mike's other girl is a nerd, but I doubt she is as nerdy as me. As I prepare myself for living with the knowledge that Mike and I will never be anything more than what we already were, I am trying to keep that hope alive that there are plenty more handsome, nerdy fish in the sea. I am not ready to cast my net right at the moment, but I hope I will be soon.
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